#512 | Men Need Help Too...We Just Don’t Talk About It

Men are struggling in ways our culture still barely knows how to name. In this episode, we take an honest look at men’s mental health, emotional suppression, therapy resistance, vulnerability, fatherhood, and the quiet pressure many men carry to stay strong even when they are barely holding it together.

This is not a blame-heavy episode, and it is not a soft excuse for harmful behavior. It is a clearer look at what happens when men are taught to joke instead of feel, perform instead of process, and disappear inside themselves instead of asking for help. We also talk about why safe spaces matter, why support cannot be theoretical, and why healing has to move from awareness into action. Bring the armor, but maybe loosen one buckle before pressing play.

Here’s a related episode that builds on today’s conversation:
#427 | The Manliest SIN in Existence - https://apple.co/4ogBEld

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📽️ Insightful films. Meaningful growth. Join our Evolve Movie Club - https://forms.gle/bBZUbFEeD2ijypCT7

🌱 The #YouDoYou Therapy Program gives you support when and how you need it. No pressure. Just real help. Start your free 7-day trial today - https://buy.stripe.com/fZe8Avdfx8bW9gcfZc

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Show notes:
(3:43) When fatherhood exposes buried insecurity
(7:13) Men need other men leading
(9:18) The cost of punished vulnerability
(12:23) Kayleigh talks about the supportive and caring environment within the Evolve Ventures team.
(13:10) The heartbreak behind the jokester
(16:29) Choosing therapy for the next generation
(20:58) What women must make room for
(28:03) Turning awareness into lived change
(33:52) Outro

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(Stay tuned for this coming Monday’s episode!)

Transcript

Bianca Thomas

(0:00) For the first time in history, young men have the highest suicide rate and are at the highest risk of suicide ever. (0:12) This is a severely serious conversation and a serious topic that not enough people are talking about, and we are going to try to address that today.

Emilia Smith

(0:24) And men need way more support than they're letting on. (0:30) Trust us. (0:31) Let's talk about why.

Bianca Thomas

(0:33) Most of us are looking for hope, answers to the madness, certainty that we'll be okay, and someone safe to help guide us through the most challenging parts of our lives. (0:44) In a world that's changing and evolving every single day, where chaos, uncertainty, and cycles we never chose wreak havoc on our lives, it's easy to feel lost, hopeless, and scared of what the future will hold.

Emilia Smith

(1:01) Evolve Ventures is here to provide that hope, direction, and data-driven strategies to growth-minded human beings just like you, every Monday and Thursdays, where each new episode is filled with vulnerable stories, interesting lessons, and simple tools you can use that will help you evolve into the person you were always meant to be. (1:22) My name's Emilia.

Bianca Thomas

(1:23) And I'm Bianca.

Emilia Smith

(1:24) And as the co-founders of Evolve Ventures, we are so grateful to be a part of your evolution. (1:30) Let's get into it. (1:31) Hey, everybody.(1:32) It's Bianca. (1:33) Welcome back, Evolvers. (1:34) It's Emilia.(1:35) For episode 512, men need help too. (1:40) We just don't talk about it. (1:41) We want to make sure that you, if you're clicking on this episode, you're understanding why men don't heal, why men struggle so much, and why you, if you are connected to a guy, a male, or you might just so happen to fit that mold yourself.(1:59) What is getting in the way of you actually getting the help that you need? (2:05) We're going to address that in this episode. (2:06) And then on top of that, I want to share a couple of stories.(2:09) So Bianca and I, for anyone that's new to the Evolve Ventures podcast, she and I work with men and have worked with thousands of men at this point in the practitioner setting where we have behind the scenes, the raw, the unfiltered, what men really think, truly feel, etc., etc. (2:27) And you name it. (2:28) I mean, we've processed through so much with men and we're so grateful and so privileged to be able to do so.(2:34) And it is, we feel very much called to action to talk about what we've heard, what men struggle with consistently and be the advocate for men getting the help that they need. (2:51) And ultimately, because we don't talk about this enough, Bianca mentioned in the opening how younger men are more predisposed and in higher rates of suicide and risk for suicide than they ever have been. (3:06) And when you do look at the stats on men and men's mental health, they're marginally getting better.(3:13) And certainly from our perspectives as two professionals, not at the rate that they need to be. (3:18) And so we have a deep heart for what causes these challenges that men are going through. (3:26) And as someone who has met in my life and love the men in my life and is very grateful for the men in my life, it makes me really sad to see how many men don't have support systems.(3:43) And this really became so evident. (3:45) I was telling Bianca just before this episode, she and I were chatting about this client that I have through Relationship Talks coaching. (3:54) And so for anyone that's new, that is where Alan, my partner, and I sit down and we work one-on-one or two-on-two with couples.(4:04) And the man in this relationship that we were working with, he and his partner just recently had a baby and they were kind of going through the whole aftermath of how do we navigate maternity and paternity leave. (4:17) And he essentially, what we were understanding from that one session that we had done was that he has no idea really how to navigate paternity leave. (4:27) He feels like he's leaving his work buddies to fail and then yet also not fitting in because his new role as a dad at home, there's a lot of insecurities about what do I do?(4:38) What are the specific tasks that I need to make sure that I do? (4:41) And then I need to do it perfect, otherwise I'm worthless. (4:44) And essentially, it created a lot of the struggles that they were talking about in that setting.(4:49) And after that call, two weeks later, we came back and he said, you know what guys, I realized that I'm just absolutely overwhelmed with insecurities that I have. (5:03) They're running me and I need to, I really feel compelled to understand my parts a little bit better because I know that there's traumas that I haven't worked through. (5:10) I know that that's driving me with all this stress.(5:13) And I know that I need to work through some of my stuff because it's really getting all over my family. (5:20) And so his story is one of many that I've heard from so many men. (5:24) Essentially, the whole story of this really showcases how until it's literally such an important time in their lives, all of the stuff that hasn't been talked about, all of the traumas that they haven't really worked through or been able to turn to anyone and talk about.(5:39) For him it was, so his mother has bipolar disorder. (5:46) And she growing up with a bipolar mother was really difficult for him. (5:51) And she also was extremely abusive, still to this day is physically abusive and psychologically incredibly abusive.(5:58) And growing up as a male in that household with the enabler being his father, there's just a lot of dynamics there that he's had to suppress and really not had anyone to talk to about that. (6:11) And so him now saying and realizing this with courage, with courage, vulnerability and humility, we always say this, with those three components, you can really have some tremendous change. (6:24) But what I see all the time again and again with men is they never had anyone to model where there's courage, there's vulnerability and there's humility from their male counterparts.(6:36) And that's what I keep hearing from the male clients that I have. (6:38) Well, I never really had a role model to help me connect to some of those deeper feelings. (6:42) I never really had a male role model that knew how to approach vulnerability and knew how to be humble and really ask for help in the way.(6:51) And it's like I absolutely validate that. (6:53) However, that's not an excuse not to go get help, not to go talk about what you've been through. (6:58) And so that's where today I really want to make sure that we hang out in, we discuss because men deeply need help way more than they're letting on.(7:07) And just not talking about it doesn't make it go away. (7:10) It's going to show up in one form or another.

Bianca Thomas

(7:13) And men need other men to show them that it is okay to do it and that nothing bad is going to happen to them if they do. (7:23) There's a couple of new male clients that I've gotten over the last couple of months. (7:29) And one of them is a referral that I got from another male client of mine.(7:35) And he literally told me the only reason I even signed up for this was because this guy is doing it. (7:43) And he promised me that nothing bad's going to happen because he's doing it.

Emilia Smith

(7:47) Yeah.

Bianca Thomas

(7:48) And he's had such an amazing experience. (7:51) He has severe PTSD from something that happened to him as a kid.

Emilia Smith

(7:54) Yeah.

Bianca Thomas

(7:55) And he's like, I'm already noticing massive changes. (8:00) I'm already noticing so many benefits. (8:02) Like I never thought that I was going to be able to get through the day without having debilitating panic attacks.(8:09) And I just, I just tucked it away. (8:11) I drank, I smoked, I did all of these things. (8:14) I partied so that I didn't have to deal with these feelings.(8:18) I'm not doing that anymore. (8:20) I'm actually dealing with this and now I'm noticing so many benefits.

Emilia Smith

(8:26) That's awesome.

Bianca Thomas

(8:27) It's so beautiful.

Bianca Thomas

(8:31) That's not, let me rephrase that.

Bianca Thomas

(8:40) It's amazing that he's having such quick changes. (8:46) And what I've noticed is that's not the norm.

Emilia Smith

(8:49) I was just going to say that's not the norm. (8:52) Actually it's not one thing that I've noticed and I'm curious to hear your thoughts on. (8:57) More change happens at the beginning if, if you consistently show up with vulnerability and humility and courage, that is ultimately the hinge on the door that swings change open again and again, even when it's scary, even when it's tough.

Bianca Thomas

(9:18) Yes. (9:18) And men struggle with that severely because if I'm vulnerable, I am weak. (9:23) If I'm vulnerable, I am, insert whatever slur that you want to put here.(9:30) Men are brainwashed from a super young age, not only by men, but by women too, to not be weak, to not be feminine, to not be gay or whatever, whatever the narrative is, because if you are, you will be punished. (9:54) There's two things that I want to comment on that.

Emilia Smith

(9:57) Hold on really quick, Amelia.

Bianca Thomas

(9:57) Okay, sorry. (9:59) The client that made the referral, he's really having a hard time in therapy because we're actually diving into stuff. (10:07) He went to his dad who is prototypical, I'm going to say this, it's not going to sound nice, Gen X male douche, and he was in the military, so extra douche.(10:28) Not that we're anti-military, but think of the prototype, that's what I'm referring to. (10:33) He went to his dad who was very abusive to him growing up and he said, dad, you know, I've been in therapy and his dad, if they were in person, his dad probably would've hit him. (10:45) He's like, what are you in therapy for?(10:47) You're fine. (10:48) Nothing happened to you. (10:49) And I'm like- Oh my.

Emilia Smith

(10:51) Yeah.

Bianca Thomas

(10:52) Oh, that must've been devastating. (10:54) He's like, well, you know, I didn't expect him to say anything. (10:57) I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're not going to brush this off.(11:02) That must've been devastating. (11:04) And it took him a couple of minutes and he was like, yeah, that hurt really bad. (11:07) I was like, you were looking for connection from your dad in that moment.(11:10) And he's like, yeah, but I know I'm never going to get it.

Emilia Smith

(11:13) That's so sad.

Bianca Thomas

(11:14) So even in that moment, and then he tried to go make a joke because sitting in that vulnerability was so unbearable for him and no one has ever made it safe for him that he had to go right into a joke.

Emilia Smith

(11:27) Yeah. (11:28) Yep. (11:28) That's so common.

Bianca Thomas

(11:29) This is the common pattern with men. (11:32) If they get vulnerable, they have to deflect it with something right after. (11:36) And what we see with men all the time is if they have a session where they actually get vulnerable, they end up trying to cancel the next session.(11:45) They end up trying to quit therapy. (11:47) They end up saying, you know, I don't think this is working. (11:50) This isn't helping.(11:51) We need to change approaches. (11:55) Amelia's nodding. (11:56) You've gone through the same exact thing too.(11:59) This isn't because men are bad. (12:02) This is because men have never had safe places to dive into these things. (12:11) And by the time they finally do, they have so many terrible experiences that they don't know what to do.(12:20) They feel like they're running into fire.

Kayleigh Putnam

(12:23) Hi, my name is Kayleigh Putnam. (12:25) I just wanted to come on here and talk about my experience with the Evolve team. (12:30) Every single day, I learn new skills, not only my position, but also how to become the best and most aligned version of myself.(12:38) I've learned through their support that I can achieve any goal I set my mind to. (12:44) I've never met a group of more supportive and genuine people than at Evolve. (12:49) Every single day, members check in on other members, asking if they're okay, what they can do to help.(12:55) And it's such a varying environment. (12:57) And I'm so grateful I got the opportunity to work with this team because I feel like they've truly given me what I need to be successful in my future careers. (13:07) And I'm so grateful for that.

Emilia Smith

(13:10) You said you had two things you wanted to comment on that. (13:12) I'm just taking a minute for all of that because I just. (13:16) It's horrible for for any for any.(13:21) Any of my dudes listening to this. (13:25) First of all, I'm really grateful that you're listening. (13:27) And second of all, I don't know what it's like to be a man.(13:31) I don't. (13:32) I'm not a guy. (13:33) But I'll tell you what I hear from a lot of men, from a lot of guys, from a lot of dudes, all different age ranges.(13:40) And the through line is the same. (13:42) And it's freaking heartbreaking that no one has showed you how to be vulnerable. (13:47) No one has taught you how to be actually humble in a therapeutic setting because deep down.(13:56) Underneath that, you have never had a safe space to actually be yourself, and that produces jokesters, jokesters are the protectors that are meant to keep you safe from all the ribbing that happens when you're a young kid, a young boy growing up in this. (14:14) Interesting world and to put that lightly, like. (14:22) We don't want you to become a statistic, but we also need your help.(14:27) We need your help. (14:28) It is a collaborative effort for change and for meaning, meaningful change to happen. (14:32) And I always struggle with the male clients that really expect change to happen with a flip of a switch.(14:39) And what that usually is an indicator, if you're listening to this and feeling that (14:42) that's because you've been in such pain or turmoil or frustration or anger for so (14:48) long that you'll do anything to get relief, including quitting the one thing that's (14:53) slowly chipping away the ice on your heart that has been placed around your heart to (14:58) try to keep at bay everyone who hurt and disappointed you and devastated you and (15:04) told you to disconnect from your feelings, disconnect from your heart.(15:08) You know, this this client that I was talking about, Bianca, when it was one of the most surreal moments I think I've had in a setting like this where. (15:18) The man and his partner with their babies are on the screen. (15:23) He's picture like two rocking chairs facing the zoom.(15:26) And I'm sitting next to Alan. (15:28) Alan's on my left side. (15:29) And we're talking about Alan was saying, you know, dude, like therapy is so, so important.(15:34) It's so powerful. (15:35) I know all this stuff, all this gunk is getting in the way. (15:38) And he's just sitting there.(15:39) He's like, I know, I know. (15:40) It's not good. (15:40) It's not good.(15:41) And he's like in his jokes and jokes are like, it's not dude. (15:44) It's not good, Alan. (15:45) I'm telling you, it's not good.(15:46) And Alan's like, man, like we got to we got to really get vulnerable here. (15:51) Like this is really impacting your relationship. (15:53) And he said the guy leans back and he said he's in his late 20s.(15:58) Just for context. (16:00) He takes this big breath and you can see his parts are freaking out. (16:05) Watts practically like run away.(16:06) You can just see it in his energy. (16:08) You ever have those? (16:09) Yeah.(16:13) That flight response is real, real from our from you as a therapist or trying not to get activated.

Bianca Thomas

(16:18) You're just like sit and it's it and it's it and it's it and it don't attack.

Emilia Smith

(16:22) Right. (16:22) Right. (16:22) It's run you.(16:23) Exactly. (16:24) Because it's like, man, they've had they've had so many people chase them away because they couldn't keep that safe space grounded. (16:29) And he leans and he goes, I don't want to do any of this, but I know it's really important.(16:34) And I know for the future of my children, like this is going to be really important. (16:38) And he said he leans in and he goes like in his jokes or he's like, Alan, but like, what has it actually done for you? (16:45) You know, like and that's his curious part coming forward.(16:49) What has it actually done for me? (16:50) And I so appreciated that moment because I was in this moment of like, babe, you got this. (16:56) Tell him, tell him, tell him.(16:57) Like just like because Alan's gone to therapy and he swears by he still goes to this day, swears by it to the to the comment around what you had said to the client that referred what just one leader needs to go forward and share that I'm doing it for so many others to follow. (17:16) And it really takes a courageous human to step in and to take that role and to say. (17:21) You might not have the same exact experience as I, but here's how it's helped me.(17:27) And so I shout out that client because that was really important because now his friend can get help and support to the degree. (17:33) Now he's trying to refer his brother. (17:35) That's awesome.(17:36) That's amazing.

Bianca Thomas

(17:37) Yeah.

Emilia Smith

(17:37) So it's just this trickle effect. (17:39) Right. (17:39) And that's what's amazing.(17:41) That's what's possible to the degree that he has courage, humility and vulnerability and consistently shows up with that will be the degree of change that he's able to have, like actually sustainable change. (17:51) And that's for all male clients. (17:52) And so I'm sitting there pop back into that moment and I'm sitting there looking at Alan and Alan's brain I can see is like, how do I explain to this man what I now embody as a man who has talked about his struggles, who actually feel his feelings and like is an advocate of getting help for men.(18:15) And I can see in that moment, though, Alan didn't know fully how to articulate it. (18:21) He was like, I mean, your relationship is better, your the connection is better. (18:27) And I think that all of this, I mean, granted, he communicated it in a way that I think met the male bond that they had going on there and the jokester.(18:37) But I was over here in my body like. (18:40) He's no longer going to have all the issues he has in his life, they're just going to end. (18:45) How does it help?(18:46) Oh, my goodness. (18:47) Every picture, all the problems you have right now, practically not overnight, but they will vanish and eventually your life just gets better and you wake up one day if you're consistent, if you consistently show up with courage, vulnerability and humility and actually do the work in between and don't just put it all on your therapist or all on your coach to do the work for you. (19:09) That's the hard thing that a lot of guys have a hard time with.(19:13) Everything will get better. (19:15) And so that's the two comments was number one. (19:19) It takes one person to lead for many to follow, and so that ripple effect is so profound.(19:25) But number two, why I shared what I shared about Alan is because the language of getting help is very difficult. (19:34) So in that moment, he asked Alan, he said, but what has it done for you? (19:39) Essentially what he was trying to communicate was how do I know that I'm going to be safe?(19:44) How do I know it's going to be worth it? (19:46) How do I know through all the pain, going through all my trauma and really facing some of the things that I've never admitted to myself or wanted to admit to myself? (19:54) For example, his mother's mental health issues and how much that impacted him, how abusive she's been, how unfair it's been in the family system.(20:02) Like all of that is what in in what their connection was doing was essentially, will I be OK on the other side of admitting all of that, which I've been running away from my whole life? (20:16) And Alan reassured that like, not only will you be OK, but you need to do this now because people around you are getting hurt by you not talking about what you're going through and by you not understanding yourself at a deeper layer to where you're just reacting from these protective parts. (20:36) And whatever they did, it was like guy brain to guy brain.(20:39) Like it was really cute because like he actually took that in. (20:43) And so those two things, the the humility and practice leaning in. (20:49) But then also the leading by example and what that can do for our other male counterparts.

Bianca Thomas

(20:58) You've you've heard Brené Brown's Power of Vulnerability audio series on Audible, right? (21:07) So good. (21:08) So important.(21:09) It's only on Audible to my awareness and it's not a book. (21:13) It's a lecture series that she did in early 2010s. (21:20) It was after her TED talk and she laid out this really beautiful story.(21:29) And I'm going to get to the point of what that was, because I want to emphasize the same point is what she said. (21:35) So she said in the early stages of her career, she never really studied men's issues. (21:42) She was she wanted to believe and she she talked about this very openly.(21:46) She's like, I didn't I didn't want to believe that men had that issue, too. (21:51) Like women were the ones who were being negatively impacted, like women in shame, women and vulnerability, whatever. (21:58) So she didn't research it.(22:01) So she was at the end of a speech or a talk that she was giving and she was doing a book signing. (22:07) And she said that all of these women came up with their books and they were all signing and la la la. (22:12) So amazing to meet you.(22:14) And this man goes up to her and his wife is trying to pull him away like, no, no, no, come on, come on. (22:21) You don't need to go talk to her. (22:22) Come on.(22:22) And he's like, no, you guys go wait over there. (22:28) I want to go talk to her. (22:30) And Brene, she's like talking about the fact that she's like shitting bricks at that point.(22:33) She's like, what does this man want to talk to me about? (22:38) And she tells the story of how he said, you know, it was a really incredible talk. (22:41) But do you study men's issues?

Bianca Thomas

(22:44) Yeah.

Bianca Thomas

(22:44) And she said, no, she doesn't. (22:46) And he goes, convenient, convenient for you. (22:50) And she's like, what do you mean?(22:51) And Brene talks about the fact that she has this quirk that when she gets anxious, her voice goes up. (22:56) She's like, what do you mean? (23:00) And she the guy had basically said.(23:04) You know, it's really easy for you all to sit there and focus on all of these challenges, but you're not looking at what we're going through. (23:15) And he's like, don't give me any of that crap about, oh, it's your fathers and coaches and whatever, because you see those women over there who you just signed those books for. (23:26) They would rather me die on my white horse than ever fall off of it.(23:30) And Brene's like jaw hit the floor. (23:33) So the guy walks away, he says, thank you for your time, whatever. (23:37) And Brene basically talked about the fact that she had like a midlife crisis at that moment.(23:43) And it was at that moment she realized that we need to dive into these male issues as well. (23:49) And the point that I wanted to make, which she emphasized, is that in order for that to happen, we as women need to hold the space for men to be allowed to fall down, to struggle, to not be perfect, to not be alpha and dominant and whatever these ideas and narratives are that we have about men.

Emilia Smith

(24:14) Yeah.

Bianca Thomas

(24:14) Empowered women empower men and vice versa. (24:20) And now that's not to say let your male counterparts be toxic and emotionally abusive or that you have to cradle and coddle them. (24:28) That's not what we are saying.(24:30) Yeah. (24:31) But we as women need to leave the door open for that to happen and not shut down when it does. (24:37) And Amelia, you talk so openly about that really impactful moment at the beginning of you and Alan's relationship where he opened his heart.(24:47) He started crying about something that happened to him. (24:50) And you had that ick, you had that instinct of, oh, my God, this is no, no, no, I don't want this. (24:55) I don't want this.(24:56) I don't want this. (24:57) But you did what so many women, unfortunately, cannot yet do, which was you checked yourself. (25:04) Oh, yeah.(25:05) And you got over your own shit and you sat there with him and you made it a safe space. (25:11) And now he can be that man for you that you need. (25:15) And an even better version of that.

Emilia Smith

(25:17) Not only that, but for so many others, too, you know, the amount of guys that have actually gone in, talked about their challenges or actually gone and gotten help because of the compound effect of that or the ripple effect of that. (25:28) It's been wild to truly see. (25:31) And I love that you shared that because it's not just a men's or women's issue.(25:38) Like it is a human issue. (25:39) And we either choose every single day to be vulnerable, courageous and humble, recognize our intricate woven nature with one another and actually recognize that we all need help. (25:52) We just don't talk about it.(25:53) And actually not just go from the intellectual knowing of that, but the practice of creating a safe space for each other and inviting and challenging each other to step into that and then holding down the fort in that. (26:06) And I think that because so few people to the client that you were talking about with the stereotypical dad. (26:13) Like there's really no other safe spaces that are trained to do that aside from therapy.(26:19) So when people want to stop therapy or stop coaching because they actually for the first time might have the safe space, it freaking breaks my heart because then they go back to a world where they've been conditioned to learn that people who do not create safe space for you are OK. (26:35) Like that's normal and that that is what you should tolerate when it couldn't be further from the truth. (26:42) Like we human beings need safe space to be our authentic self.

Bianca Thomas

(26:49) And what ends up happening is they keep trying to seek the validation of those people. (26:53) So they end up further and further emotionally destroying themselves because they can't let themselves access that.

Emilia Smith

(27:02) Yeah, it's really scary.

Bianca Thomas

(27:02) It's really devastating. (27:04) It is. (27:04) It's scary.(27:05) It's devastating. (27:06) It's we need to help each other. (27:14) Instead of saying all the time how men are trash and men are this and men are that, like why would they change if that's all they're hearing?(27:22) I know. (27:23) Why like why would they change? (27:29) We think they're pieces of shit anyway.(27:31) So why would they change and where are they going to go to get that help? (27:36) You know, so like, yes, some men are pieces of shit, but so are some women. (27:41) And that's another conversation we don't want to have as people.(27:46) That's a big conversation we don't want to have. (27:48) Women have done toxic shit, too. (27:50) We all have trials and tribulations and toxicities and harms within us.(27:55) We need to help each other do better so that our kids don't have to go through the same bullshit we all went through.

Emilia Smith

(28:03) Yeah, man, I'm with you. (28:05) I'm with you. (28:06) And it starts on the day to day on the micro decision.(28:08) When you listen to this episode, what do you what do you do with it? (28:11) I'm really starting to be in this chapter in my life of like, I don't just want to see you talking about it or ingesting. (28:21) I'm learning about adult learning in a way that I've never learned before.(28:27) And we adults, it's very different than how we learn as a child. (28:31) Like we have to go do more. (28:33) We actually have to integrate what we're seeping in.(28:36) And so we have all adults right now are just like one podcast to the next podcast and the next podcast to the next. (28:43) Just like absorbing a fraction of what they're listening to and not doing anything with the rest of it. (28:52) And it's creating this constant cycle of, OK, you're aware of something, but you're not actually doing it or integrating it and setting up a system to embody it in your life.(29:01) And so I challenge, I invite, I implore anyone listening to this to go do something, even as small as going into your therapy session a little bit differently. (29:15) Zero to 10, how courageous am I right now? (29:19) Zero to 10, how much humility am I actually coming in with?(29:23) Or do I just think that I know it all? (29:26) Zero to 10, how vulnerable am I? (29:28) How scary is it to be exposed?(29:32) Right. (29:32) The closer you get to 10, the more you're going to show up in your day to day. (29:36) With what you need in order to actually embody getting the help, having the support, getting closer to people who celebrate people who actually are well, as opposed to these tiny shriveled up versions of themselves.(29:56) The man that I talked about in terms of the story that I was sharing, who he was prior to him, like really admitting and then showing up with vulnerable, courageous, humble, like student, like, OK, how do I actually apply this stuff? (30:13) How do I like what's the tactical takeaway? (30:15) What's my homework like that?(30:17) He was a boy in comparison. (30:19) He's really now turning into this man who. (30:25) It's wild.(30:26) He didn't change his biological age. (30:29) He changed the frame of mind that he was approaching his day to day life with. (30:33) And the man who he's on track to become as a result of the way in which he's integrating what he's learning.(30:41) Is a totally different human and it's going to change his legacy forever, his family forever. (30:47) It already is. (30:48) And that's the power that we have.(30:51) That's the power that men have. (30:53) And I just want to reconnect everyone to that power because it's a really beautiful power that. (30:59) Is a virtue, right, so hopefully this episode stirred something up inside of you to where you feel like you you do know that there are safe spaces out there for you to step into, but that it's also on you to step into them consistently, even when you don't see that progress, quote unquote, because more often than not, your eye has been trained for external.(31:25) Progress, not internal progress, and that's another thing, just last comment, men have been trained to look for progress outside of them. (31:32) They have not been trained. (31:34) To look at progress internally, they don't know how to do that, and so it's usually they feel like they're looking in the dark and that's why they quit getting help, getting support, having conversations and getting support groups for the internal world, which is where all that stuff sits, the stress, the challenge, the trauma, the issues, the struggles, the this, the that, the other thing.(31:57) So get someone in your corner that can help train you to actually look at the progress that's happening on the inside, because it doesn't always show on the outside more often than not. (32:07) It really doesn't. (32:10) Especially not right away.

Bianca Thomas

(32:14) Closing thoughts, episode suggestion, Bianca. (32:23) It takes a village. (32:28) It takes a village.(32:29) We all need to help each other.

Bianca Thomas

(32:31) If you enjoyed this episode and you want to listen to another one that's like this so that you can add on to this, my episode suggestion for us is 427, the manliest sin in existence.

Emilia Smith

(32:48) If you want to start dipping your toe in and you want a safe container to be able to do so in this area, what we're talking about, Bianca and I host what's called Evolve Group Coaching. (33:03) It's a program that launches once a year, every single year, and we only have 10 people that we select for that program. (33:12) So we will put the waitlist in the show notes.(33:14) But why does that matter? (33:15) Why are we talking about it? (33:16) Because one of the things that we consistently hear from these members is that this is the deep work that they've always needed to do, but haven't felt comfortable doing in a one on one setting.(33:28) So you get the benefit of having 10 other or nine other members around you growing, deepening your awareness of yourself, deepening your awareness of your patterns in a way that doesn't feel overwhelming to the system, but that you have team members right there willing to do that with you. (33:45) So that's going to be kicking off in July. (33:47) So we're keeping everyone aware so that if that's of interest for you, you know where to go.(33:55) With that being said, thank you, as always, Evolvers, for your interest in the science of holistic mental health and well-being. (34:02) We encourage you to keep evolving and embodying what we talk about today. (34:08) Bye, everybody.(34:13) We know firsthand how important it is to have a safe space with people who support and celebrate your evolution. (34:20) That's why we created our free live virtual event called Out of the Mud that we host the last Wednesday of every single month, 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, so that while you venture into new territories of your growth, you can get in a room with others who are too. (34:37) Extraordinary topics with evolved people.(34:39) That's what this event is all about. (34:42) What's great, too, is that you don't even need to have your camera or mic on. (34:45) You can just listen in.(34:47) Click the link in the show notes to register for the next topic to kickstart your growth.

Bianca Thomas

(34:52) Be on the lookout for our IG Lives that we host every Friday at 1230 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. (34:59) This is a place where you can connect with us live and in a fun, lighthearted way. (35:03) We are also in the process of rolling out group coaching and online courses, and these are sure to help you evolve into a greater version of yourself.

Emilia Smith

(35:13) If this episode resonated with you or you heard something you know will help you evolve, please share it with someone you love and care about, team members across the world or someone who you believe deeply could benefit from joining this discussion.

Bianca Thomas

(35:28) This content is intended for information purposes only. (35:31) It is not a substitute for professional counseling or psychotherapy, medical advice, diagnoses or treatment, and does not constitute medical or other professional advice. (35:43) Names and identifiable personal details mentioned in respective podcast episodes and stories may have been changed to protect personal privacy and identity.